Professional set of white teeth Heidi Montag found out the hard way that playing a super-bitch on TV doesn't translate to album sales: her Superficial album sold less 1,000 copies, clocking only 658 downloads, and less than 350 physical sales.

Which is just kind of sad, in a way, since she probably, deep down within her plastic body, actually thought she'd be a famous musician. People need to remember: getting followed by paparazzi doesn't mean you're famous enough to sell records. It means mouth-breathers like me like laughing at you taking out the trash/failing miserably at selling records.